


Doubts

by ThereIsANameWeWantToCallYou



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, Shin Megami Tensei: Liberation Dx2 (Video Game)
Genre: AlterWorld, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not a Happy Story, POV Second Person, Underage Drinking, kinda but not really sure, or rather thinking about suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26815180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsANameWeWantToCallYou/pseuds/ThereIsANameWeWantToCallYou
Summary: Pixie was a... Weird one, certainly.Or what happens when protagonist has alcohol and too much time to think.
Relationships: Pixie & Protagonist | Newbie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Story contains spoilers about Chapter 7 Odaiba Alternate and the beginning of Alter World. Written before Chapter 4 Blasted Ueno was released.

Pixie was a... Weird one, certainly. She was constantly fed up with your attitude, but she still stuck around and wasn't that at least weird in a way? You weren't bound by any contracts, she was a free demon in that regard. You could try and forget about this little detail, but she, at some point, will bring it up, so there's no reason to.

She, in a way, reminded you of the Pixie from your old world, one that didn't exist anymore. You remember how you stopped using her rather quickly; there was no problem with getting much stronger demons, so why keep the weakling? Rest of the Liberators usually kept their first summonings, but not you. No, you wanted power, you wanted to mean something in meaningless reality.

You actually feel bad about that now, after getting to know one of her kind better. They were pretty nice creatures, all things considered.

Because of that influence, you tried to become closer to your own demons, the ones you use for fighting, but they weren't interested. Oh, they certainly were loyal; how couldn't they, the contract was everything after all, but actual bonding with them...? Prove to be impossible.

Which made that Pixie even weirder.

Why was she so different,why she decided to side with human? And to trust said human? Why was she letting herself sleep next to you each night without fear, nag all the time which has become just a background noise for you? Why did she decide to treat you like... Like a _friend_?

You were aware that you should make her run away from you. You were dangerous, able to betray people that treated you like family. You were anything but good. That was what good friend would do; protect someone close.

But you were also stupid and scared and couldn't make the only friendly living being in this hellish world go away from you.

Today, you were looking for supplies. Not enough food and water, but at least you still had a decent amount of medicine. Would be nice to find some dry food. Nights were getting cold; not awfully, but it still was concerning. In theory, you could use your fire demons for warmth, but even if they were bound by contract, there was a possibility they would just kill you. So no. You can't die, not yet.

You certainly haven't expected to find an alcohol store. Usually, they were completely empty due to humans trying to find a way to escape for even a moment, but this one had some full bottles left.

"Alcohol?" Pixie wasn't impressed. At all. "Humans are so stupid, why are you drinking a poison?"

"Were." You corrected her. Thinking about it now, you haven't drank before, have you? You never liked breaking rules, not really, even Eileen said that you were one of the most boring and ordinary people she had ever met. "There is no one to drink now."

"Ugh, stop reminding me!"

But things have changed, right? Even the most boring person can surprise everyone and bring the destruction to the world.

… You knew that alcohol can be used to disinfect wounds, but if you were honest, for the first time in your life, you just wanted to get drunk. You were technically an adult, although that hadn't mattered anymore, so nothing was stopping you.

"You're taking it…? Are you serious? Like, are you actually serious? You don't know for how long it was here, it can kill you…! Newbie, can you listen to me for once?!"

You ignored Pixie and returned to your base.

(it wasn't an actual base, but the urge to call it that way was stronger than anything else, because, in the past-)

It was the shittiest thing you've ever tasted. You weren't even sure what you were drinking; couldn't read the label, so it could be vodka, sake or whisky. It wasn't like it actually mattered.

After the first gulp, you coughed.

"I told you! You shouldn't drink it!" Pixie was mad, you haven't seen her that way before. All the way back she was giving you silent treatment and now, she was shouting. "You're gonna die, you absolute stupid human!"

You wondered why she was so worried. Maybe she wasn't sure if she could survive without you. Being eaten by stronger demons wasn't the nicest way to die after all.

"I'm not" you sighed. Your throat burned and you felt like crying because of it, but in a way it wasn't unpleasant. Far from it, dare you say it made you feel like… like you were alive for a moment? "If you want it, just say so."

"Never," she said with pure disgust. "If you want to die so badly, _just say so_ , so I'll kill you myself."

You laughed.

No one has spent so much time with you before. Even your friends back then, they were mostly using you as the strongest fighter. No one really wanted to get close to you; they were fighting you like it was a death match and thought it was a funny prank.

And then you showed them the greatest prank. You had sided with Joshua.

They weren't able to kill you. _Vanitas_ wasn't able to kill you, there was nothing in this world that could kill you, certainly not Pixie.

… You didn't really understand why you had laughed and started thinking about these things, but screw it.

Half of the bottle was left.

"I haven't forced you to stay with me, remember." Somehow, you felt like you had pure poison on your tongue and decided to spread it.

Pixie inhaled. Clearly, she wanted to say something, but you didn't let her.

Not her round.

"Are you that worried that you will die? That demons will kill you? Say, Pixie, why are you here? You could find someone else, someone better."

You remembered how in the old world, you kept slaughtering her kind. Pixies were demons that appeared often enough for you to recognize them, so it meant something.

Your memory wasn't the best after all.

You wanted to say, _I killed your sisters and killed and haven't even once felt remorse_ , but they were looking different, so probably your Pixie wasn't related to them.

Pixie was trembling.

"It was… Because…"

One part of you realized you were on a good way to make her go away.

You drank more.

Nothing really mattered anymore.

"I think I loved them." She didn't know about who you were talking about, but it wasn't a problem. You prefer it that way. "They were looking after me, I was trying to protect them and that's all. The whole story. Now they're dead, I'm sure."

You hoped.

"Who?" Pixie asked quietly, scared, not like her at all.

"I want to die." you admitted and the demon looked like she was slapped. "I really do, but I won't. I can't, yet." You looked at her, not really seeing her. "I need to at least try to… To do something, I guess."

(That's why you will agree with Jabo, but you haven't known about that yet-)

It would honestly be hilarious if Pixie was some kind of spy that was meant to gather information about you, so someone else could kill you.

"Every person close to me died." Megakin, Rika, Shiang. "It was all because of me." Eileen, Jeng, Shionyan, Gakuto. "Do you really want to stay here, Pixie?" Joshua.

"I do."

You haven't expected a response. Pixie was looking at you, sitting on the ground with a determined face.

"I do, Newbie."

You smashed the bottle with your hand.

Why the fuck have you allowed her to call you _Newbie_?

(You remembered the rage, the pure hatred last time when Megakin called you that, you thought, back then, _that's probably the first time he really wants to kill somebody-_ )

You breathed in and out.

Your hand was bleeding and that was the only reason why you could calm yourself down. Pain was familiar, refreshing, like nothing else in this world.

What a disaster.

You were the biggest disaster that has ever existed.

"I… Shouldn't have drank." And shouldn't have introduced yourself to Pixie as Newbie, that's one was on you. "I'm sorry." The weakest and the most pathetic words in the world. "Could you cast dormina, please?" You haven't ever been that polite towards her. "And could we-"

"Yes and yes. Don't say anything else." She was begging, now.

You laid down and you closed your eyes.

In the morning, you wanted to apologize, really, but Pixie was behaving like nothing had happened and maybe it was better that way.

You didn't bring that up.

But from now on, every time you decide to look at her, you couldn't help but think for how long she's going to live, if fate will be cruel again and make you kill her or if you will just betray her, like you did with your friends.

Or perhaps it was your turn to be betrayed?

**Author's Note:**

> So it's my first work in English! I hope you've enjoyed it. If you see any mistakes or just want to talk about Dx2 or smt in general, please, leave a comment =D


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